When it comes to bolstering your social media presence, I suggest learning the lesson of someone we’ll call Daniel.

Because his name is Daniel.

He’s my husband and he hates social media almost as much as his father John hates eating lunch late.

It took five years of marriage for Daniel to accept my Facebook friend request — and he’s largely ignored it ever since.

Buuut, when Daniel gives in to my whining and spends some time and effort on his social media presence, he is offered more work.

I can’t explain it; it’s just the way it is. I can’t point to precise lines between this job and that post, but the demand goes up when he schmoozes. Every. Single. Time.

Problem is, Daniel doesn’t have a schmooze gene. He only does it when I nag him.

You can and should schmooze online

Schmooze is the Yiddish word for an informal chat, but the ability to schmooze is also a human characteristic. And you can and should schmooze online if you want a social media presence that adds measurable value to your work and life.

Here’s how:

1. Social media presence is about insights.

Sideline your own agenda so you give the reader real value. Your readers don’t care that you woke up at 5am to meditate — unless it’s teaching them something useful. Share tips, insights or hacks they can apply immediately.

Instead of “Check out my blog post on marketing,” try, “Struggling to increase your engagement rate? Here’s the one tweak that boosted mine by 35%.”

What’s more, don’t sugarcoat your failures. They make you human, like so: “When I started running Facebook ads, I wasted R10,000 targeting the wrong audience. Here’s what I learned so you don’t make the same costly mistake.”

2. Social media presence is about action.

Reach out proactively. Don’t wait for people to connect with you.

This isn’t a high school social where you’re waiting, your sweaty back glued to the wall, for someone to approach you. Slide into DMs (professionally, please) or comment thoughtfully on posts.

Let’s say you spot the work of a brilliant designer on Instagram. DM them: “Hey. I like how you work with colour and minimalism. I’d love to feature one of your projects…”

3. Social media presence is about rapport.

Reply to comments and direct messages. It’s good manners. Think of online engagement as a digital handshake. If someone takes the time, don’t leave them hanging. Instead of a generic “Thank you,” reply with something specific like, “Thanks for noticing the carousel tip, Sarah. Tried it in a campaign yet?”

Hot tip: Rapport doesn’t come from responses that are simply AI-generated waffle masquerading as sincere acknowledgement. Resist the temptation to outsource your etiquette.

4. Social media presence is about generosity.

Look for opportunities to connect other people to each other. Be the person who says, “You two should talk,” because social media is a wonderful playground for building other people’s networks, not just your own.

Try this: “Hey [Name A], meet [Name B]. You both do incredible work in the non-profit sector and could create magic together.” You get bonus points if you do this in the comments of a LinkedIn post!

5. Social media presence is about stamina.

Don’t stop when social media becomes a pain in the ****. The pain point is also the tipping point. When you’re sick to death of schmoozing, strategising and scheduling, your social media presence is likely on the verge of a breakthrough.

Social growth usually happens after it starts to feel like a grind. It’s like that last rep at the gym: it hurts, but it works.